Tuesday, May 10, 2011

New Normal

I am not sure what universe we are living in, but last week we certainly stepped into a new one.  On Thursday night I got a phone call from Ntokozo asking if she and Minky (cousin) could come to youth on Friday night at our house and then SPEND THE NIGHT!  And then she said to tell Kieren good-night (she didn't SPEAK to Kieren the last month she lived in our home).  I was like 'ummm, okay!'  What?  What planet are we on??  So the girls came over on Friday and stayed much of the day Saturday and we had a great time!  They were polite, helpful, although a bit quiet.  We were all a bit quiet - but mostly me - thinking WHAT THE HECK IS HAPPENING?  So I am thinking this is our new normal, as on Sunday Notkozo called me to wish me happy Mother's Day!  Huh?  I will take it and feel that I ready.  Not ready to call her brown daughter, or move her back in, or have an intense conversation, but I am ready for her to come back and start out NEW relationship.  I feel good about it, and I really just let myself work through ALL my feelings last week before my surprise call on Thursday.  My Stephen Minister (lay ministry in USA, I speak with someone monthly to help me process the chaos!) helped me to see on Wednesday that I really was grieving; and that is really where all my feelings were.  I was seriously going through the five stages and I feel like I had lost a dream and a daughter.  I'm on the way back though and really feeling much better.  Still on a journey, but it's moving.  And looking forward to this new normal and our relationship with Ntokozo and Minky.  I think we are a safe place and a growing place - but now she can call the shots of when and her speed.  I can do that, and I hope she can too.

When I hung up the phone after our conversation on Thursday my FIRST thought was - wow everyone has REALLY been praying!  You have - keep it coming - God is doing MIRACLES!  You never know what life has planned, but we can KNOW that God is in it all.

Lots of love,

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