Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Life is Changing

Well once again I have a heart full of feelings and not sure how to express it all.  Going away last week was refreshing and renewing, but things with Ntokozo only worsened.  It's bad in so many ways, and I don't even want to go into the details.  However, while we were away, the clouds parted and it became clear that our time with her was finished.  It was killing me and not at all helping her either.  So today we got together with her family and the head of the ministry we are working with, laid out all that is happening now, and asked Ntokozo to tell us what she wanted at this point.  She said she wanted to move back home with her family.  We talked some more, and made a plan to move her this weekend.  I am a mix of emotions, but mostly just sad.  I have total peace, no regret, and no guilt.  We did all we could but she isn't ready at this point to move toward healing and wholeness.  That is the VERY short version of it, but we need major prayers over here.  My insides feel like they are in a knot.  Not sure what the coming days are going to look like.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  -Philippians 4:6-7

This scripture has been filling my mind and heart and grounding me in a peace that I have never experienced.  I know God is sovereign and I trust that He will continue to weave Himself through Ntokozo's life even when she won't open up to Him or anyone else.

Brokenhearted but full of hope,


sarah kelly hurst said...

i can't imagine how difficult this is for you! i know that the Lord is in it and that He will be glorified at the end of it all! know that we are here praying for all of you! please let us know if there is anything else we can do. miss you and love you!!

Noah said...

Wow! Super sad. May you feel the peace of God right now and may you also sense the joy and blessings of God for all that you have done for Ntokoso.

Ashley said...

Thank you for your sweet comment, Sarah.
I am so sad to hear of your news and pray that God will continue to work on her heart and bring her to a point of healing. There is no doubt that you and your family started the processes and impacted her life in a big way by loving her and living as examples. You'll be in my prayers.
much love, my friend -Ashley

Suzassippi said...

Sarah, I don't know you yet, but I have read your posts on this issue with much empathy, having been in the same position. It is painful beyond understanding at times, and yet, we still try to do it--to make that difference. I recall when we reached this point with the young man who was with us, and my son--in all of his 16 year old wisdom at the time said, "Mom, no matter what you try to do for him, you are not going to make up for his crappy life and what he has gone through." All I can ever hope is that somewhere along his journey these many years later, he at times recalls that he was part of a family who cared about him and loved him, but set boundaries and held him to them. Sometimes the pain is so deep, they don't know anything to do but push people away before they think it will be done to them. Perhaps you are the one who watered the seed, even though you may never see it to fruition. That's where faith comes in--"walking all the way to the edge of the light, and then taking one more step."