Whew! I write this afternoon with a heavy heart and a mind that is racing at all that fills me today. I would always consider myself someone who cares about world issues, but as soon as this crisis in Haiti happened last week I have found myself glued to the television at the international coverage on CNN. The reports have been provocative, and daily break my heart into millions of pieces as I watch the plight of these incredible people in Haiti. Honestly, I want to be there during this time. No, seriously, right now. I always feel this way when huge tragedies happen like this in the world; my first thought is that I wish I was there immediately, to love on the people, pray with them, and help to build up the church and spiritual leadership. I have honestly prayed for God to make a way for me to Haiti, but it seems for the time being he wants me to stay put. But let me know if you hear otherwise :)
However, this is not particularly why my heart is so heavy this afternoon; rather it is from an occurrence that happened this morning. I was scheduled to go with a friend at church, 'Petey' to serve communion to the sick who can't leave their homes, a monthly ministerial task usually done by our head pastor Kyle, who is presently in the United States. Yesterday I was again visiting an elderly couple in our church, the L's (obviously not their name, but want to keep it private), as they have both been sick, in and out of the hospital, and just deeply struggling spiritually and emotionally. Yesterday's visit I decided to really push a conversation with Mr. L concerning his health and my opinion (and the opinion of MANY others) that he should go have a short stay at the Living Hope clinic to recover and give his wife a break. Today we came again and I had no idea the storm I was walking into. Mr. L was hurt and in a horrible mood and I felt like I walked into a natural disaster in my own community. He is terrified of being put in another hospital and sees the clinic as such, feels like his marriage of 51 years is crumbling, can't walk or barely move, and is totally in despair. His wife is exhausted from caring from him and trying to help him through his falls, illnesses, and changing emotions. We came in to serve communion, but left finally after they refused, I had been yelled at, and he had basically said he didn't see the point in living. I cried in front of them, and then we all cried as we finally closed in prayer. Thank GOD that He is real and His Spirit brought some peace to Mr. L and to that home, but as we left I still felt a desperation and deep sadness. Ugghhh. Seriously, I have been wanting to go to Haiti all week, but that was sorrow and darkness like I have never seen. I could have gone home and slept for the rest of the day in my depression, but kept moving and even doing some ministry. Thankfully Casey made it through the day unscathed by me, but it was a close one for sure as I was in a sad state.
I don't even know how to really pray for this, I just pray for a miracle. It's not even so much for the physical healing of these new friends, which of course would be incredible. I pray for their spiritual and emotional healing and just a peace to overwhelm and take over their home in their pain and fear.
One of those hard days, and I never would have expected it would look like this. Life can just be rough. Thankfully there is hope deeper, peace that pervades even in fear, light that pierces, and love that conquers all.