Hello family and friends,
Well it is the beginning of another week, and it feels so strange that it is Monday because we don't have a 'rhythm of life' yet here, so Monday really looks a lot like every other day. We have tasks, things to do, people to call and see, and more stuff to get for our house. I am sitting in our 'lounge' (what they call the family room) writing as Kieren talks, plays, and crawls all over the floor. She sure loves her mornings!
It was a good weekend at the end of a hard week, and I am mostly thankful for the clarity I found. I had been struggling with migraines all week and also just feeling very restless. Through talking over the weekend with some new and old friends, I realized that there is just a sadness that I have in this time. It's not really a homesickness, because although I do miss our incredible family and friends, that is not the feeling. I don't miss my old life, but I think I am uncomfortable now in the new life because we are so unsettled and really don't have an identity or 'place' here. And so often, we define ourselves by what we DO, and here we definitely aren't doing anything. At night, the house is ultra quiet (except on the weekend nights, as we have realized it is party time in our neighborhood until the late hours as people hang all over the streets...) and without a tv or computers, our lives have become so much slower and quieter. It is all very unsettling, and makes me realize how much I replaced busyness in life with a true peace in my soul. I have found here in the quiet moments that I am farther from my God than I realized and less in touch with my self than I knew. So there are many hard feelings, and there is no easy fix for any of this. However, sharing this out loud with people, although making me feel really vulnerable, was also freeing and began to help make space for healing. Also, we went to a big church here on Sunday night, called Hillsong Church Cape Town (planted and associated with Hillsong in Australia) and the worship and message really touched me. The message was about being a follower of Jesus Christ and how we have to make ourselves follow and imitate Christ, and as we do that, He MAKES us. He makes us into who we are supposed to be, but it all begins with being close to Him. So simple, so difficult, so true. I am encouraged and feel like I am on a good path. Casey and I also took Kieren on a hike up a nearby mountain on a beautiful Sunday morning reminding us of the simple beauty in life, creation, and being together.
The mission is drastically different already here then I thought it would be. I imagined it would be so easy to come back because of our time here a year ago, and that we would jump right back in where we left off. Well this is completely different because it is our home now, we have Kieren, we live among people we serve, and WE are in a different place. The first mission, I have found, is to get ourselves settled, and to a peaceful and whole place. I hate not being 'together' and feel so needy at this time, but I recognize this must be a space in our lives where we take care of ourselves first and then begin to look outward. We are on the right path and doing it together, so what more can you ask for?
Thanks so much for all your encouragement and prayers. We apologize if we aren't in touch very much, but we don't have internet at our house yet (and probably won't for a while still) so it is difficult to keep in touch that way. HOWEVER, Casey and I both get our emails on our phones, so although we can't email you back much, we would LOVE to hear from you and what is happening in your world. We are thinking and praying for you, and so thankful that we aren't walking this road alone.
Lots of love,