Monday, May 2, 2011

Saying Goodbye

Saturday came and went.  Our home is eerily quiet and my heart is a mix of emotions.  Ntokozo was SO unhappy living here and I knew it was time for her to leave.  I still can't even really express what happened - not that I can't talk about it, it's just that I don't understand it.  But really, I think it comes down to that she just wasn't ready for it.  Wasn't ready for all of us.  So that is okay.  But saying goodbye was NOT something I was looking forward to.

She packed up all her stuff, and spent the day hanging here with her cousin Minky.  Minky is also an orphan and lives also with their aunt and uncle in Kommetjie (down the road).  It's a house with some problems (where we took Ntokozo out of when she moved here) but Minky seems to be doing fine there; only showing how she had a much more emotionally stable and encouraging background growing up.  We have gotten to spend a great deal of time with Minky over the past months and even watched her commit her life to Jesus Christ at Hillsong Church one night.  We love her and have kidded with her over the past weeks that she could always switch with Ntokozo and come here. :)

So we drove them back to Kometjie.  I just couldn't believe we were going back with all her stuff.  I still can't believe it.  We unloaded all the stuff, and Ntokozo was noticeably happy.  Then Minky came up to me as everyone was inside, hugged me and said, "I just want to thank you for all you've done."  I was stunned and replied they were both so welcome and we will continue to be in their lives.  Then Ntokozo came up and Casey and I both made her hug us and say goodbye (awkward/forced/blah), and then I see Minky.  She is crying HARD.  I come up to her and hug her again and she says, "I just can't believe it's ending like this."  WOW.  I tell her it's not ending and we are always here for them and will see them all the time.  But wow.  How beautiful and telling of what she has seen.  I was so moved.

And so we got in the car and drove away.  It was quiet.  Sad.  But peaceful.  I know we have done all we can.  It's time to have a peaceful and happy home again.  It's time to stop battling with a very hurt girl and trying to force her into something she isn't ready for.  And it's time to surrender it all to a God who loves her WAY more than we ever could.

I just never thought it would end like this.  Praying....


1 comment:

Becca McAndrews said...

Thank you for your post, Sarah. I can't imagine all your conflicting emotions right now. I will be praying for you and your family - that this WOULDN'T be the end for your chance to speak into Ntozoko's life. My friend who has recently adopted a child from Thailand told me a few weeks ago, "Parents shouldn't go into fostering or adopting unless they're ready to have their hearts ripped to shreds because God has required that of them at this time"...praying for healing of your own hearts as well as Ntozoko's. -Becca McA